They think hes weird. Awesome! His classmates see how well he does in class, but when it comes to playing with him on the playground, they don't play with him, or choose him to be on their team. Advice. No matter what the outcome of the party is make the party extra fun/special for your son and family. She is frequently disregarded on the playground. A little bit different as my DS has been diagnosed with an ASD, but he rarely goes out with anyone, except for the rare trip into town after school with some mates. I had a son with ADD type problems. No one would know his past, his anger, his intelligence. We went to a movie or whatever they chose. Kids can be so very cruel, just constant reassurance from you that he is awesome will help him. Close. Just wanted you to know your son is not the only one. My 15 year old is popular in school and has lots of friends. He doesn't socilise with them outside school very often though. this worried me also until he admitted they all drink and experiment with drugs and he does not want to be part of that so if happy on his playstation at home.. A fresh start. I don't know. Then shrug his shoulders and say Fine, whatever. Celebrate with him every time he is able to shrug it off. If they dont, just walk away. Besides, the club will probably be full of kids with the same problem he has when it comes to friends and they will need him as much as he needs them. He had a group he would hang out with this past school year - but they were gradually excluding him until a There are several pieces of ADHD that make it difficult for kids to make friends. But ways we can all really build ourselves and others up with, whether they see immediate fruits or not, it is building society up with one act, one prayer, one good thought at a time. All the kids at his school, don't see the "gifted" part, all they see is the "ADHD" part. Otherwise plan a family party those are fun too! What are your observations about the way he socializes during lunch and recess? Gym class was a nightmare. Best of luck to you and your family! His verbal score was 160, thats better than Mensa. Ive spoken to his teacher on a couple of occasions and although hes sympathetic, hes offered no real solutions. with ADD/ADHD when I was about 8. If it isn't bothering him, don't let it bother you. Hes in control of his sacred soul space, no on else. You will probably get about 5 kids to come that way and you will know ahead of time if there is no RSVP so as not to ruin the actual party. All of this combined has made it almost impossible for him to make friends. The rec centers have classes too that are fun. Helped a neighbor mow the lawn or shovel snow? That doesn't seem to help. My 8 year old son is similar, he has ADHD, some bipolar tendancies and is gifted. I "kick" them outside for at least two hours a day during the week, and for about three to four hours a day on the weekends. (I have had previous experience with this with my non 18-YO son and refuse to go that route, especially because I don't see him as really having a problem that requires such.) She is a social butterfly. And I will never stop encouraging them to use their gifts for good. We have just started attending a new church, and I hoping she can form some new friends there. Email ( required; will not be published ). Not exactly what I'd hoped, but you really can't blame him. But I want to know hes not sitting alone at lunch and not in the teachers lounge! It will be very hard for your son to not react, but it can be done. As for the kids being meanHave you tried a Christian school? Make them RSVP. We have our son in lots of sports the best seems to be pop warner football this helps him fit in with other boys and also gets out a lot of energy. I also created an Inner Toolbox of problem solving skills and give all this to my children to help them in their lives every day, with each other in the home, and outside the home. That was him. However, I would like him to have a social life. My son seems slightly obsessive when it comes to his online computer (dungeons and dragon type) games. Nor were we nurtured with real positive thinking (other than cliches that were often empty, not helpful) so I meditate A LOT on my values, with God, on life, with books, etc. Talk to other moms at carpool. Your sons not the only one out therereading your post is like a review of the story of my life with my oldest son. Moved in with my boyfriend and lost my girlfriends, 10 Reasons Your Friend Didnt Send A Holiday Card, Left Out Of A Friend Group Without Explanation, Gay Friend Losing Interest in Our Friendship, Book Club Friendships: We Read, Then Talk, 5 Tips for Handling A Friend Who Talks Incessantly, Information for Sponsors: Irene S. Levine, Friendship Expert. Hes often the last chosen for teams, even though hes quite sporty and academic. ADDitude collaborates closely with leading medical experts to publish accurate, clear, and authoritative content that millions of readers trust and share. I have to agree with the other posters that the temper then tears is what may be holding him back from other children seeing him as a viable friend. The tester said its likely higher, but he got bored with the test and just started throwing out answers. She might be noticeably different, either physically or intellectually. 16 Year Old Son Has Friends but No "Best" FriendAre My Worries Irrational? How hurt he must feel. But he lost phone privileges for a week. A social skills group could help with friendships: Friendship Groups for Children with ADHD. I would be very aware of how he interacts on those playdates and offer parently advice when the children are gone to help him understand how what he does affects the way others perceive him and their desire to play with him. Without the care of a qualified physician and the ability to monitor and adjust her medication, I fear what would have become of her. I so understand your concern! Happy stickers! You can check with your school and city for ideas in you area. And yes, it will get worse in middle school if he doesnt learn to manage his emotions now. I know at our school even for my non-ADHD but shy child the school intervened to make sure he had a friend. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'mamapedia_com-box-4','ezslot_1',638,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-mamapedia_com-box-4-0');I went through the same phase when we moved here, from CA. Have a question for The Friendship Doctor? They were obsessed with him. He needs to understand that losing at a sport or game doesnt make him a loser, but crying and acting in a manner beneath his peers will make him stand out and be a target. Ask for wisdom when solving problems (model this and help him do it). If your son is reacting with anger and tears, then other kids that are inclined to do so, will use him as a scapegoat, and lay blame on him (in other words, his negative behavior may label him as unlikeable and its always easier to shift blame and torment to the unlikeable kids). What a difference! Its such a hard thing to deal with, but remember kids are very resilient, I hope everything works out for him. Maybe that might help the other kids be nicer to him?? As mothers we only want our children to be happy. The doctor used strong coffee in small amounts and it worked. 28 answers. I know you won't always be able to be his 'guardian angel' like that, but maybe at least until he gets into high schoolunless he'd die of embarrassment having his mom on campus. Blessings, to you and yours!! (my baby is 10). When he becomes his own best friend and radiates calm, self love, balance (or in kid speak its more like relaxed, at peace, feeling good), he will develop much more joy, and he will be a magnate for friends. It seems that getting him involved in group activities that hes really passionate about and really enjoys will give him the opportunity to meet kids with similar interests, making the difficult task of finding friends a bit easier. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another. As you can tell you are not alone. I will never stop worrying about my kids. He is incredibly socially awkward and interested in things most kids arent and talks about them ad nauseam. He is counting the days, now to his birthday. I took Its hard for kids this young to understand everything, but I would look to see about a local art class on weekends where your son might share interests with other kids. Your son also could benefit from some help in the form of social skills training. It breaks a mommas heart for sure! It's completely the shit. See if there is a parents club at school. I know that they are out there. or join the YMCA . Ive tried to encourage him to play with the less popular boys buthe seems to have fewer interests in common with them, and as theirfriendship groups have been long established some of them arestandoffish. Not revenge, not sassy ways to shoot back, etc. Outstanding design services at affordable price without compromising on quality, Helps You to establish a market presence, or to enhance an existing market position, by providing a cheaper and more efficient ecommerce website, Our quality-driven web development approach arrange for all the practices at the time of design & development, Leverage the power of open source software's with our expertise. I believe their are a lot of children just like your son looking for friends. We also have more hours in our day to do extra-curricular activities (which before was a problem because of the late hour school was let out, and then having to do homework after that). It doesnt seem to bother him.. I have a 9 year old that has no or very few friends. Update #2: Teenagers are hideous. Archived. [Free Download: 14 Ways to Help Your Child With ADHD Make Friends]. Be sure to do good things for yourself, a long bath, some time with a friend and if you have any friends with children, maybe you can get together. Negativity breeds negativity, so if he takes negative behavior out of the equation, other children will not be drawn to it, or magnify it, because it wont be there. He needs to be were he will fit. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). A lot of my sons problems were that he didnt have the skills to join a group, make new friends, interact during playpartly due to not paying attention to social cues that most kids get. If they are playing football, kickball, etc. Then maybe if they see your son in his environment and not at school with the peer pressure it may help. At a year he could say and identify his letters and numbers. Be kind to yourself and your beautiful child. Kids can be just plane mean! Hi K.. good luck and hang in there. Hope things get better on the inside and outside! He has an opportunity in two years to attend a high school with an incredible STEM program. Fred Frankel, Ph.D. He is very intelligent, and he has ADHD. Its not your job to judge your child, nor is it your responsibility to make friends for them. He just kept talking and people were enraptured. Teach him to feel better than the crap that gets dished out by other kids. Teach him to pour a little self love on with messages like: these problems happen to everyone, they are normal, the way other kids behave is not in my control, or this situation is not in my control, but my feelings about it are. It tears me apart. Young people can be very attuned to their parents' moods and I can feel it in my bones. So if you have any questions google ADD and there is a national site dedicated to the research of ADD and how it effects the people that have it. But while his intelligence is certainly a blessing, it is also a curse. I too am getting the same response from the teacher/principal. Perhaps practicing scenarios and reactions at home might help. Get a free issue and free ADDitude eBook, plus save 42% off the cover price. Anyway, this year is a different story. Its a continuation of what went on at home. Often children who have had little experience with conflicts and losing at home, are unable to understand why they cant have everything their way everywhere else. Dear ADDitude: Will My Dyslexic Child Ever Read for Fun? Tags: 10-year-old, 10-year-old with no friends, child, children, childrens friendships, no friends, parenting, school, son. "If a child has at least one friend, there is a frame of reference and a forum in which to practice friendship." Teach him to push wounders out of his sacred soul space. While most parents would love to have their children with autism surrounded by a strong circle of friends, that may not be reality. Ask the social worker at your son's school for some advice. Does your son participate in any activities outside of school? There are a number of reasons kids may have trouble making friends, and (though this is by no means an exhaustive list) they often fall into two general categories: www.livetotalwellness.com/janislanz. Maybe theyd just think he was quirky. And then on his actual birthday, my husband is going to take him and his two "good" friends out to the movies. Omar is also a very bright kid. This way I new which girls to ask and knew that they would attend and not give my daughter any heartache. I love the GS because that's what they do get the kids involved and help get comfortable with themselves. There are also tons of books and let him talk about his feelings because we learn by our feelings but it might be difficult at first for him to express how it makes him feel. My sister spent a lot of time when she was home in tears. I look at him and think there is so much for him to offer this world, but people dont give him the chance. The things you named are some of the ways that parents can tell their child is running into trouble with friends. Perhaps, he tries too hard to fit in and can be quite emotional when challenged (e.g. written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker October 11, 2022. As for the birthday, why not keep it small. He does have a lot of friends because he is so social-unlike me he talks to everyone. I understand your emotional pain, as when she was in preschool and elementary school the parents of other students thought she was "too much of a handful" to have over for parties, sleepovers, etc. Since the school is small, you may be able to talk to some of his former teachers, too, to see if your sons problems have gotten worse or if he is having new ones. Remember, it isn't about finding the "coolest" kid to be friends with. Over time, if you get comfortable, you can role play with him, acting out some situations. Love your child for who he is, work with him to learn through behavior modification the social rules, work closely with the teachers, and seek the assistance of a qualified health care professional. Blonde hair, blue eyes and knowledge. As for his birthday, rather than a big party, maybe invite one or two closer friends (or wanna be closer friends) to do something extra special than a traditional party? He has feelings and worth. Ask for ideas and solutions to problems that will provide the highest good for all involved. I don't really have any advice for you, but there is a website you can check out http://www.denveroptions.org Some clubs will even have a higher percentage of quirky kids in them, giving him an even greater chance of relating. My heart goes out to you, as my daughter who is now 24 HAD ADHD, and was treated like an outcast when she was your sons age. If you live near me we could set up a play date, he is very nice to everyone. If your DS is content, I'd just be happy with that. There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. He is very sensitive and takes his friends silly remarks as serious.He likes to follow his own direction so it makes him difficult in team activities. All Right Reserved 2014 Total IT Software Solutions Pvt. The more play dates you have with a particular child, the more likely they are to hang out at school. Let him work anger or disappointment out in safe ways for a little while (writing, drawing, punching a pillow, exercising, etc. Much as I think its great to enlist help, we have to be very honest and open to our childrens weaknesses. RELATED: Real Talk For Anyone Who Has Thought I Have No Friends Youre Not Alone. htis is great way for kids to meet kids and participate. Don't make a big deal out of it though as he will pick up on you thinking it is important. He has flat feet, asthma, wears glasses and a little overweight. My 10-year-old son is sociable, outgoing and not shy, but he never seems to fit in. I cant wait for him and his tribe to take on the world. I teach parents how to do social autopsies with their kids after a social interaction, and break down what went well versus things that went poorly. What is your email and I'll send it to you. Our son is no longer having his teacher tell him he needs medical help; he is no longer being picked on by other kids in class, the lunchroom, or on the playground; he is no longer being made to feel weird because he's not into sports. Follow up with the parents to be sure the kids he chooses can make it. Because it IS important to grow socially at school. He has since rema My husband divorced me 3 yrs ago for another woman and now i can't stand being any where around him. Also get feedback from other adults in his life: family, coaches, babysitters, etc. Some teens just havent found the people on the same :) I know it's hard. Tags: 10 Hurdles to Learning, Dear ADDitude. then it got easier and easier. They love him, as most adults do. He is my baby and I love him with all of my being. Southeast Christian Church on Jordan Rd in Parker has a wonderful school, where one of things they teach is love and respect. You are teaching him to be there for himself every time, to take responsiblity for his feelings, then for his thinking, then for his actions. When he was little, he was precocious. something he will enjoy by himself or with a few kids. No advice here really. Other kids didnt want to play with him because they knew his disappointment during a game (especially a sport) would cause the game to be held up with the need for teacher intervention as he blew up over what he perceived as the slightest injustice. I was thinking she should have tons of friends like I did, but for ADHD kids, one or two may be enough. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Sign up to receive weekly updates with links to my latest blog posts. Try and try and dont give up, and give your son lots of TLC. have you thought about being a soccer mom? I moved him to a small charter school with only 155 students and multiage classes. I had a friend who spent a lot of time trying to get other parents on board with her difficult son. But what they dont get, and they probably are incapable of at 13, is that he is someones child, brother, grandson. I had someone come to my house to do physical and speech therapy for my daughter. Thankfully, hes not. (It also is a very dislined sport) What school do your kids go to? His behavior is so much better during during football season! He mentioned kids names and said they were his friends. What happens here is that the childs ADHD behavior gets in the way. *hugs* Things will start getting better for you and your family. We have talked to my son, and he said he would like the pizza party with family members, when we have his younger brother's birthday party. If your child has no friends, this is an instance where you do want to mobilize and take an action. And they did. His older brother was the social bug, and he always only had just a few friends. Hang in there, like I told my daughter, I didn't make any 'true' friends until I was in middle school. Good luck! Other kids, they didnt care. Thank you every one that sent repsonses. For example, often a few sessions with a play therapist can help kids like your son learn to make better connections with friends. About half of kids with attention deficit disorder also have friendship problems. When we are unkind, that cruelty flowes through us and out of us so we feel the cruelty too. First you stress because they don't seem to have any friends, then you stress when they pick 'the wrong' friends. The world needs all types of people. > How Parents Can Help Children with ADHD Make Friends, > Become Your Childs Friendship Coach: ADHD Parenting Advice, Posted by Penny Wait for her response and validate whatever laments she may have about the Just keep showing wounders out the door and closing the door. She is also a manic depressive so keeping up her self esteem is important, and it helps her to make new friends, outside of school as well as at school. G. Hunjan. asks from Florence, AZ on December 06, 2007. Sometimes we have different parties throughout the year- like halloween or Christmas- a time for kids to get together and have fun. He not into sports and enjoys reading and board games and hot wheels. Get him involved in activities related to the computor or chess tournaments. Make the process fun for him, like you are going on an adventure to find good friends. You are here: He is also making new friends with other homeschoolers (even those who have similar interestsand a commonality in not being sports-minded). Thats not unusual for a three-year-old, but being able to talk about politics is. They made fun of him for being smart, talking too much, and being the teachers go to for answers. It definitely takes a big time commitment from me, but the benefits to our whole family have been so worth it. just keep letting your son know he's wonderful just the way he is! Hi Fran, From the time he was in kindergarten, his teachers would always tell us that they thought he had ADD and needed to see a doctor for some medication. K., If you can find a coach, counselor, or psychologist who can help him with social skills, it could give him a leg up, so to speak. Kids are so mean sometimes. Are You Ready to Change? etc. Stefanie, I am 23. Having at least one close friend will help him learn the social skills that he needs that will help other kids find him more "acceptable" as a playmate as well. We knew it from the time he was a baby. His teacher wasn't willing to help him whatsoever in the classroom, and repeatedly suggested he needed meds. WebSome children are natural social butterflies. I have asked his teacher what can I do or say to my child to get him more active in play, and she can't think of anything. A friend of mine whose grandson had ADHD was used as a test subject without drugs. [The Power of Role-Play for Building Social Skills]. My daughter will be 9 soon. 12. Combed his own hair nicely? But instead of crying, his frustration manifested in intense anger. Having friends come to your house to play on your childs turf one at a time can be really helpful. Hope this helps.. Talk to your son and see what he would like to do for his birthday- toss out options OR maybe just do a couple of friends and go to a movie and pizza. Public school was a very discouraging, lonely place for him. They get along well and then poorly. Follow up with questions asking what's another way he could have done that? They report being alone at recess or they have friends sometimes and not others. Things started OK. They get along well and then poorly. But in the end, it was the other kids problem and there was nothing wrong with her. AGE TO HAVE FRIENDS There is a big age range of normal when it comes to preschoolers making friends. Look at some of the weird kids, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, he could certainly be in worse company. Some of the most genius grown ups that are super successful were reclusive children. The school understands this. If you read up on homeschooling, I think you will find anyone, regardless of background, education or number of children, can do it if they really want to. And if the teacher isn't going to be any help, you're going to have to step in and do what you think is best for him. He knows he is different, and their are no two people alike. This is a perfect fit for him. As he has grown, its really gotten terrible. Also remember that we all go through hard times, no matter what, so just making the most of it and learning from it is a good way to go. (A shared Birthday party). When we were going through the diagnostic process for him, the issue of lack of socialisation came up and it was pretty apparent that the only one it really bothers is me. I don't go on about friendships and he seems happy. He always seems to be the whipping boy.. A new little art set, ping pong ball paddles (dont have a special table? (especially if they have more than one child as they then have to be 'fair' and invite friends for siblings too). However looking back I realise that it happened to a lot of people over the years (different people being left out) and it wasn't those girls fault at all (the ones being excluded), more general insecurity amongst other girls and wanting to stick with the herd and not be singled out themselves. And to feel better than what may creep into his soul. If he is interested in what they are saying, stick around. There are many opportunities for socialization with other homeschoolers, and maybe he would make friends more easily in smaller groups. I just told her to be herself. Healthy things, true love, etc. This article was originally published on March 4, 2021, 9 Toys I Can Unequivocally Say Were A Total Waste Of Money, A Mom Explains Why She Lets Her Seven Year Old Swear At Home, And The Internet Is At Odds, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Look at them and say nothing, just listen. Keep up the good work! and the "friends" she did have, would tell her they would be right back and then hide from her for the rest of the lunch period. My heart broke. Having reliable, timely support is essential for uninterrupted business operations. You can private message me back and I will give you my e mail address if that is a help. We also ran blood tests to rule out another organic or chemical inbalance. They are going to make it a "Boys" night out. He doesn't particularly like going out. I found with my son that just one friend can make all the difference. The more experience the better. It was the highest shed ever seen. So if we are kind (even if our solutions dont work for others), we get a dose of kindness flowing through us every time! I wouldn't go so far as to say everything is all better or perfect by any means, but it is definitely a BIG improvement. I also have a 9 year old son, a 2&1/2 year old daughter, and I am due with our fourth child in 8 days! The only way for this taunting to stop is if your son stops giving these kids the temper and the tears. Well said Pam. :). Its always hard when one of your children has little to no social contacts, as a Mom it tears our hearts right out. I have often discussed him with his teachers and school counselor and they assure me that he is doing well, and his grades reflect that. It also gives you an opportunity to watch from a distance to see where your child can improve. Good luck. Im happy he defendshimself but it makes him miserable. for a birthday party try taking him to a museum or science factory. I can do some things to help myself feel better and get some things I need or want, in healthy, self loving ways. ANd always implement solutions in kind ways. I have taken in all the advice, and we are definatlly going to invite the "few" good friends that he does have. Insist on School Involvement. Hes upset most days when he comes home from school about one incident or another. She came through it in the end. As for the social issues at school, reach out to the guidance counselor and his teachers. Once he knocked a desk over, he often yelled at other kids, he was just falling apart. And sports teams "off" school, city teams and community teams etc. Here are a couple acronyms that may help him remember what to do in the moment, when his heart is racing. He made a few friends who he played Minecraft with and texted every once in a while. I took him for his intake with the counselor, and they said he is gifted and has ADHD. Our mission is to be your trusted advisor, an unwavering source of understanding and guidance along the path to wellness. He cant help that he is intelligent. If the budget allows why don't you try to enroll him in Boyscouts? . J. Ltd. Design & Developed by:Total IT Software Solutions Pvt. I was devastated, and ever since have been EXTREMELY wary about "parties" and "invites". In other words, after dealing with feelings, start problem solving. Hes currently an only child, and we had just moved, so it was even harder. Hell make it through these tough years and there will be a reward on the other end. ADDitude community moderator, author on ADHD parenting, mom to teen boy with ADHD, LDs, and autism. He started having other boys pick on him at school and he started fighting back. Washed the bathroom counter? Ill be cheering him on and will have my middle finger in the air to all of the assholes who never gave him the time of day. Timeless music, 316 2 44 44 comments Best Add a Comment they tell him that they have enough players, but they will add more children, when he leaves. Reach out to his teacher and tell the teacher he doesnt have any friends to play with. C. B. If not, move along. (It's a neuroboligical disorder)I have researched ADD because I don't like the thought of me being different on meds. They might have some services that will help your son find some friends. It breaks my heart. One of the hardest things for a parent to watch is their teenage child seemingly having no friends. Week after week when not in school there he is in his room by himself again. There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. Go over situations at school be describing the other kids behavior, then describe how he can stop, deal with feelings, make himself feel a little better, and problem solve in ways that he can control without trying to manipulate or control others. Or is she cleverer (or less bright)? I also am a stay at home of 4 kids. I have been through the same problem, as have several of my friends and their kids. Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Everything went really well from that time on that year. We have a 9-YO son as well, and he sounds SO similar to your son I had to respond. Well, sorry I don't have any real answers for you. I am 31 years old and have been married for 13 years. https://www.mamapedia.com/article/to-skip-or-not-to-skip-first-grade, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/skipping-a-grade, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/need-a-reality-check-here, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/should-we-have-a-birthday-party, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/mother-dash-in-dash-law-overly-worried, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/8th-birthday-party-ideas-needed-kind-of-a-unique-situation, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/does-my-5-year-old-son-have-a-disorder. He's enjoying life for the first time in a very long time and his attitude is so much better all the way around. My Teenaged Son Has No Friends. Other choice is let him pick to have a special day all about him and his interests with just family. Seems like he is a perfect candidate for that. Its a small school and it seemsto have gotten worse over time. Also, remind him that no now often means yes later, that no often must means a delay in yes, and he can have the movie theater some other time, perhaps for his birthday or other special occasion. You just never know. Ask them to help him connect with another student at recess. Not only did I make friends but when I did have to quit because of reason's I still have those friends to this day. Eventually it will become a habit. Break it down, and maybe focus on one social manner a week. Who ever said being a mom was easy, must have been a man! Thanks for letting me know that I am not the only parent with this problem. He has some church friends he sees socially sometimes but it makes him a bit anxious. I say strike a balance, get the input and then train your son to deal with his feelings appropriately. He is now not so worried about the "idiots" at school that look at him werid. in middle school they would bus her to the high school for math, and when she would get back, no one wanted to be around her. It was cute to listen to him rattle off the Latin names of all the fish in the tank at the pet store. What is one suggestion do you have that might help him feel more successful socially. Activities like boyscouts or 4H are good too. I looked at it and he had zero text messages. As a veteran school teacher, Im thinking of a particular student I had who would react similarly. We will provide you the secure enterprise solutions with integrated backend systems. Children need to have confidence in themselves for who they are. He talked long before his first birthday. All the time. . Their attention spans are so small that they would just tune him out and walk away. Or do they all have siblings but she doesn't? Hang in there - help is on the way! I have a 19 year old with ADD and a 16 year old with ADHD. If there is, you could see about getting him in that, that way, he can be around people who are into the same stuff he is. Kids can be cruel and may be purposely taunting your son in order to get precisely that kind of reaction out of him. Last year was the worst, though. Management Consulting Company. He's at a point in his life where he should be living it to the fullest. And when you have a photographic memory, thats a lot to listen to. I am trying to channel my worry into acceptance and hope. K.N. Posted by 2 years ago. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Don't sit back and say when he is in college, when he is adult he'll have friends. The doors closes. The kids who don't have friends, successful relationship as teenagers have much higher rates of delinquency, drug addiction, depression even suicide and very difficult times establishing successful adult relationships, this is big time concern. But fuck, cant somebody just give him a break? For even more friendship info, connect with me on the following social media platforms. Particularly kids. Hi, K.. my husband and i started pop warner football when my son was 9. it is now called youth football or soemthing like that but the rules say everybody on the team has to play so many minutes of each game so there is no picking or choosing. Her teacher told my mother that she needed to buy my sister more in style and name brand clothes so she wouldn't look so weird, but my sister didn't want that it just wasn't her. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we had to pull him from his tiny Catholic school in 7th grade to attend another. What I did was to enroll her in a Gymnastics team and girlscouts. He told me his friend, that plays bass in their band, completely immersed himself into it. Its not okay for him to be alone every day at recess (unless thats really what he wants). Can you do something special like go to a movie or ice skating or something that won't amplify the fact that he doesn't have friends? Next, fill the empty space with complements about even the smallest things. I Am Parenting An Extremely Gifted Child Who Has No Friends by An Anonymous Mom Updated: June 16, 2021 Originally Published: March 4, 2021 Jamie Garbutt/Getty My son is gifted. Maybe have an extra special gift after all is said and done or go to a favorite restaurant. or youth football mom, or basket ball league mom? I'm not sure when it became easier, but I think he had a nice group of good friends in high school for sure. We do still have times when he's not paying attention to his work so school can take longer than it should, but when there's an activity planned, you can bet he finds a way to get his work done on time. L. B. Like a lot of the other posters have mentioned - this sort of thing is really quite common - girls of that age often do leave particular people out (unfortunately it probably continues for the next 5 yrs at least). etc. My 8-year-old is happy and friendly, but he doesnt play with anyone at recess and doesnt like to work in groups. Does he have to have a Birthday party? It is difficult as a parent to be objective but it will always be the best route. He's in the fourth grade, and he is doing fifth grade work. Its incredible. He will make friends in that program. His IQ is 130. Let kindness in and shoo the junk out before it festers in his soul. Kids with ADHD tend to be socially behind their peers. Or a Discovery school? Good luck. At 7 she was diagnosed adhd & oppositional defiant and put on Ritalin, and a year later some other kind of cocaine drug. The truth is, most kids this age are excited to go to a party no matter who is giving it. Then start thinking about some things he wants that he can get instead a video at home, or a couple hours at the park, etc. lol). I would have to agree with the mom's that responded already about getting him into something outside of school. Spiritual housekeeping, on a daily basis! WebWhen kids enter adolescence, they employ a way of looking at the world in which their friends are more important than anybody else. You learn how to laugh at yourself and not really care about other peoples differences because everybody is different not just your son. Good luck and keep me posted if you find anything that helps, I can also use the suggestions. An adult would listen for hours as he rattled off everything hed read in his fact books. Kids are older and they became meaner. Another idea is to go to an amusement park, or have a day out at the movies with pizza and ice cream, the whole 9 yards you know, sort of pricey stuff, and tell him he can only have one friend come. I'll share my story with you and hopefully it will help. sorry if this is a bit long winded. I found flag football for an hour on Saturdays. So we are going to feel better regardless. I hope things get better for your dd soon. However, this past year kids have left him out when choosing teams and he is saddened they barely speak to him during lunch. Please try to help your dd by having out of school activities as that can really help and also by helping her to make friends with individual girls. I pray for it every day. Maybe earlier. She might have a social group your son could join. Say he didnt get to go to a movie he wanted to see at the theaterTeach him positive ways to cope. You might ask him what his take is on this situation. Sometimes ADD can be very funny and loads of fun. I got him involved in every My DD went through similar and it is just awful. The things you named are some of the ways that parents can tell their child is running into trouble with friends. As for the party, prayer always seems to work for me, not only prayer but positive thinking. Also, if you have a prayer life, help him to tune in by having daily conversations with God, The Creator, or whatever name you are comfortable with. If the other kids can't see that, it's their loss! He's very responsible and a good person. I have a son who had a daughter 5 years ago. Ive taken the posted suggestions but I also wanted to know if there is any book you know of I can buy so we can read together? You know us non-ADHD parents can look at this from a different perspective than our ADHD kids. We had moved that summer, so he was with a whole different group of kids, but it just didn't go well that year. It will take time, patience, and persistence, yet it will be so worth it. Great! 16 Year Old Son Has Friends but No "Best" FriendAre My Worries Irrational? that may be a start. My son is ADD and he was having the same problems. 27/06/2011 18:31. The school counselor, if available, should be informed. CEO He talked long before his first birthday. We were never taught how to deal with emotions well when I was growing up (and my dad was an emotional challenge, to put it lightly). Also, find support groups in your area where there are other parents in your same situation, maybe then make a connection with another boy his age with the same issues. Hes trying to make friends with kids and, it turns out, hes alienated those kids by standing too close while he talks, or jumping around, or being too chatty and loud. His ex has put him through hell and at this point he chooses not to see his daughter due to having to have communication with her mother. Due to the pandemic, I didnt think about him not being invited anywhere because no one is going anywhere. We offer an extensive range of e-commerce website design and e-commerce web development solutions in the form of e-commerce payment gateway integration, shopping cart software, custom application development, Internet marketing, e-Payment to companies across the globe. When I have asked his teacher, about this, it's not because she don't care, it's because she is not on the playground with the kids to see what is going on. My kids are now being exposed to more opportunities than I ever dreamed of. I guess all great things in life probably are. Invite another outcast to the party. High fives! Any advice you can give would be much appreciated. We started doing that a few years ago- we did all the big birthday parties - but my son didn't like the big parties and do to finances one year we had to cut the parties and just have a small family party. I am also going to look into some clubs for him. She is an honor student, athelete, club joiner, and has many friends. He had a lot of friends growing up. If you give it a fun name like We Are the Champions Charades! he may find it more appealing and cool. In school as the kids get older they get meaner and I felt I needed to rescue him. He is very intelligent, and he has ADHD. Sounds like you have identified at least one reason for your sons social challenge first temper, then tears when challenged. I keep telling myself that this will get better, that he will find his niche. I'm going through a similar experience with an 8 yr old girl. If they do, they have invited him to join the conversation. The 16 year old was diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten. You already got great replies, but I just wanted to say that it was the same for my brother when he was a kid. I am a stay-at-home mom so figured there was no better use of my time right now than to give this a try. But when he started school, things became difficult for him. Maybe even find a computer club, chess club or something that he is interested in at your local YMCA or community center that has classes he can join and maybe he can make friends that way. Hi, I feel for your son. Youll often hear them say, You just dont My 16 year old son is turning all his friends on. I have a 9 yr old girl. His teacher said that was a very good idea. My son is gifted. I have noticed that a lot of kids with ADHD seem to also lack some kind of social acumen- not totally picking up on social cues. 2022 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 03/03/2022 10:23. Get an ice cream together. Here you feel the need of your child to have friends at Explain group dynamics, and how to make a new acquaintance by joining in with others who are playing. Teach him to breathe and count to 5, slowly, when a situation arises. They ask him to play. I took her off of it when she was 11 BECAUSE I was told these drugs have nothing to do with behavioral issues! Acknowledge he wanted the movie. How can he make himself feel better about not getting what he wants? Unfortunately, kids can be and are cruel to those they perceive as 'different.' Its very hard for us as parents to watch our kids struggle with friendships, but I promise it gets better. I'm just glad to find out that I'm not the only one out there that have the same problems. WebMy 15 (almost 16) year old son currently has no friends..truly, none. There is no reason to change your son when he's wonderful the way he is. He's a young adult. 06/01/2011 11:41 hi, don't know if anyone can help, or has a similar situation. He doesnt have many friends. In full sentences. There are pros and cons to this, obviously, but the pros have far outweighed the cons for us. He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. I think it's more when the kids are interactive with the rest of the classes at lunch, that they are more timid to ask. *Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist. If your son sees that you are worried he might think he should be worried. Real Talk For Anyone Who Has Thought I Have No Friends Youre Not Alone. Using lots of "how would you feel if" type questions will help him identify with the other kids perceptions and feelings. He rather be on the computer at home, than go out and play. Not his and not yours. First, help your son get the previous incidents and bad feelings that have built up out of his system. Church youth Groups or sunday school classes are a great place for kids to meet other children outside of school. My 14 year old son has no friends. She is very kind hearted and alturistic. Help your child find other kids who have similar interests, and then invite three or four of them to your house to do something your child enjoys and is good at having pizza or playing a particular game. I just thought I'd give you a little insight into our story and hopefully encourage you in that you're not alone in this. He was in a very small school where everyone played sports and the kids definitely thought that they were better than those who didnt. I promise you that. Since 1998, millions of parents and adults have trusted ADDitude's expert guidance and support for living better with ADHD and its related mental health conditions. Try setting up playdates with someone with similar interests. Hes small in stature and not athletic, that didnt help things. Then, make an excuse to hang around in a nearby room to make sure your child is following the rules you set up. And Ill be goddamned if Im going to tell him to dumb it down for other people. The comments from the other mothers have really painted a picture of my 10 year olds situation. At a year he could say and identify his letters and numbers. Steps toward authentic maturity, connection, and real self. I would ask to observe your son at school or on the playground, and see how he interacts with kids. First your child should stand near two people he might be interested in meeting who are talking to each other. Author of Friends Forever: How Parents Can Help Their Kids Make and Keep Good Friends. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Practice it at home firstwhen he doesnt get something he wants at home and gets upset teach him first and foremost to be there for himself. etc etc Sometimes these things might make a difference to how easy she finds it to bond and might be worth bearing in mind when she goes to secondary school. most of my sisters Birthdays she had maybe 1 or two kids show up but it was still fun. We are in our second year of homeschooling him. His best friends were his grandparents. Birthday Parties, the Cafeteria, and Other Social Obstacles, Improve Your Childs Social Skills with These ADHD-Friendly Toys. Good luck and hang in there! Our daughter has always been told that her ADHD is NOT a disability, but a gift. There will be kids just as quirky and they will like him for who he is. (Simply Life Coaching see my business listing). I just wanted to reply to let you know that it DID get better for him when he got older. Tweens and teens Can't cope with 16 year Practical Strategies & Tools to Help Kids with Dysgraphia, When Careless Mistakes Arent: Dyscalculia & Math Anxiety, Build Back Your Childs Social Skills in 7 Steps. :} Your son is lucky to have you. Then ACT them out. Tell him he has a good reason for being disappointed or upset (we usually have good reasons for our feelings!). I see this with my son, but you know, I find that most of the time hes doing better than I think he is. Feel free to respondmaybe our sons would really enjoy eachother. It became a new tradition for us as a family and we just keep doing it that way. Make sure to get RSVPs in advance from their parents so there are no surprises on the big day. He excelled and was also tested as being a 'gifted' child. It happens. Second grade was an exception, though, once his teacher got to know him and figured out his learning style. She had to accept herself, before others could accept her. my sister used to be director of the one i queen creek and they have so much stuff for the kids to do and ist pretty inexpensive. Your first task as a parent is to do some fact-finding. We have had teachers help with this during recess and also had guidance counselors plan lunch with my son and one other student he wanted to get to know. He was interviewed on the news at four for a story that involved his dad. We ADDers are extremly smart and we get ahead in life a little bit easier(I love my ADD)Just let him be him. Also, I would recommend inviting the whold class somewhere fun where the kids will want to come because of the location-like Chucky Cheese or Castles and Coasters. Help him unload the past in healthy ways get his anger, hurts, sorrows out with writing, drawing, telling you his stories, yelling in the mirror, punching a pillow. Maybe it will extend to the schoolyard. I love to be on the computer because it has the stimulation that I cannot produce on my own. You want friends who like you for you. I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. Sports outside of school are good- Karate is especially great for children with adhd. My parents sat me down and explained (and kept reminding me when ever I felt down)that everyone is made differently and IT IS NOT a disability. Hope that helps. He has friends at school but doesn't see them in holidays. His birthday is coming up, but we are afraid he will invite a bunch of kids to his party, with no one coming. I have a very similar story. I'm sorry to hear that about your son my sister was gifted and she had trouble making friends too. Hes 12. Do this until the well is dry. 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